Title: Forgive Me
Author: KanDo
E-mail: kandonething@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Pairing: S/J
Category: Angst
Date: 06/22/01
Series: None
Season Info: Not really any specific time
Archive: At the moment, nowhere please. I'll let you know when...
Feedback: Any and all welcome! Please... the plot demons and bunnies
love to hear what you have to say! ;o)
** DISCLAIMERS: The characters of Stargate SG-1 are owned by MGM,
Showtime, Double Secret, Gekko and countless others who bring us this
wonderful show. No copyright infringements intended or implied. No
money exchanged hands... It is purely for the entertainment of my
readers. I am simply borrowing the characters for a little while and
promise to return them in the same, if not better, condition that I
found them in. Any original characters/situtations are property of the
author and her sleep deprived brain.... **
Notes: Very Very Rough draft. With the talk of music and what can be
inspired by it, this little piece came to be. Anyone that's ever
listened to "Jagged Little Pill" by Morissette and heard that little
hidden song at the very end, will recognize the feeling of this piece.
Summary: First Person POV. It's up to you to determine who is speaking.
Walking up to your house, memories wash over me. Good and bad, happy and sad... I climb the stairs and with the key that I still have, I open the door... Not bothering with ringing the bell. You're still on call at the base, so I know you're not at home.
Walking through the house, I recall the last time I was here when I had permission... Walking up the stairs to your bedroom, I recall the happier times when we raced each other up these stairs to fall, laughing, into the bed and made love to one another.... Your scent is strong in the air, I can almost feel you... reach out and touch you...
Oh gods... I shouldn't be here.. I shouldn't be doing this... but I can't stop myself... I just want so much to be with you once more...
Entering the bathroom, I pause to remember the times we made love under the flow of the water in the shower... I see your robe hanging on the door... removing my clothes, I put the silky robe on and feel your presence surrounding me even more... I go to the bed and lay down upon it... the times we loved and laughed and cried in this spot leave me weak and dizzy... My pillow is no longer there... I walk towards your dressing table... Look through the drawers till I find your perfume... You still have the one I gave to you as a gift... and inhaling deeply of its scent, creates a pang of deep seated pain... an ache in my chest that I never thought I would feel again...
I slip from your bedroom, down to the den where you have your stereo... your CD's.. I play the one we had made love to... Closing my eyes I question myself 'Why am I doing this?' Oh.. I shouldn't stay long... You'll be home soon... I should leave... But oh, how I've missed you...
Going to your desk, I run a finger lightly over its contents... your neatly printed writing is on notes, messages to call so and so... your to do lists... I smile fondly at that... You always made lists... Looking about a little longer, I see a card to you...
It speaks of someone loving you... missing you... "Meet me at midnight..." The handwriting is not mine, it is not the familiar script that I wrote to you in...
I better go soon... that wasn't my writing, those weren't my words...
Forgive me love... If I cry in your shower... as I dress in my own clothing... Forgive me love... For spilling my tears on your clean sheets... Forgive me love... As I cry all afternoon...
Closing the door behind me... I see that you have moved on in your life... I am no longer part of it... Walking away, the pain doesn't go away.. maybe one day...
